A really crap thing has happened to one of my co-workers, Emi. Her husband is being transferred to another school for the new school year up in Nagano city. He just found out yesterday and the school year is over next month. There is a two week break and then a new school year begins. Teachers here have no choice about transfers. They must work in all four quadrants of the prefecture at least one time. Because this is only his second year teaching, he will have to move two more times still. Emi cannot move because she has been re-contracted here in Shiojiri. So her husband must get an apartment up in Nagano City. They will only see each other on the weekends now and they both must coach volleyball every Saturday. This is a pretty common scenario here. I know many married people who live away from their families and drive home on the weekends. I think that’s why it is so excepted and common for people to have little affairs in their office. A lot of people say that the new youth of Japan will change a lot of these things because they are growing up with a different attitude and are more influenced by the West. I can’t say if this is a good or a bad thing but it will be interesting to see how things are in about ten years.
As it stands, these two people will probably live apart for the first several years of their marriage. It is so strange not having any control over your destiny in terms of where you will live and work. It is very difficult for me to accept that you can put your life in the hands of your boss and say send me where ever you want, especially in a job like teaching. In Canada, people do change schools but it isn’t mandatory and it isn’t up to your principal for the most part. It happens but it certainly isn’t the rule. Emi was so upset by this news but even the fact that she was really unhappy with her boss was a secret. She only talked to me about it because we are friends and no one else would be able to understand us talking. She is worried they won’t be able to afford two separate houses. The cost of commuting and the time necessary would make it not worth while. They have been married less than a year and already there are tests.
I think that this attitude towards work is widely accepted but I don’t believe that it is happily accepted by people. I wonder about the strain on marriages in Japan in general. I read an article the other day on what happens once salary men retire. Husbands and wives must reacquaint themselves with each other because their lives have become so separate they barely know each other anymore. This could be a cliché that is supported by the author of this article but I do see it sometimes in the Japanese families I know. The wives have spent their whole lives raising their children and running the household without their husband and he just hands over his checks at the end of the week. This sounds like something out of the 1950’s. So once the guy retires, he must rely on his hobbies to keep him occupied. It’s a very common question in Japan for people to ask you what your hobby is. I didn’t really think about the things I like as hobbies because I don’t need time filler. I do enjoy a variety of activities but it is more common in Japan to focus on one activity and join some kind of club in your free time to pursue that activity. I used to think that this was just their interest in staying health but now I think it is preparing them for a later time when they will have lots of time to fill but still need to feel productive. I asked a friend if Japanese people don’t like to relax but he said that they like to relax like everyone else, they just feel relaxed in a different way. This one older guy I know has started growing bonsai trees and spends all his time on that activity and talking about that activity. Maybe this isn’t any different from back home and I just can’t see it there. It is very pronounced here though. I see it everywhere.
We finally have started to see some actual snow around here that might stay for more than a day. These pictures were taken around Shiojiri. The third graders are all writing their entrance exams to get into high school so most of my classes are cancelled. Time to study some Japanese!