Yee Haw!

The Two-Stroke Indians

As the school year is drawing to a close, we are all becoming increasing foul tempered.  We should have ended a month ago so don't try and kill one another.  We have had a disastrous start to the musical season.  We put on a performance of Yee-Haw!, a cowboys and indians play about gold buried under Splodge City.  I could  never have put this play on in Canada because it is essentially racist but when I say indians over here it means India to most people.  So I had a group of Indian indians which was comical.  The script was hugely riddled with puns.  Here is a sampling of some of the puns at their worst:

One of the baddies with a massive
moustache.

Big Chief Walking Weasel:     Well, if that’s all, we need to get Squatting Poodle back to camp.

Squatting Poodle:    I’m a wigwam!  I’m a tee-pee!  I’m a wigwam!  I’m a tee-pee!
Big Chief Walking Weasel:  You see?  He’s too tense!

Or how about this one:

Towering Wild Bear:  I search ground, I search sky, I search low, I search high!
Big Chief Walking Weasel:     We call him Google – He’s a search Injin.

And let's not forget:

Mayor Tex Truman: Many years ago, you made a deal with the owner of the Fordoor Saloon.
Big Chief Walking Weasel:    Oh, we don’t like saloons, do we boys?  Never let us stay overnight.  I tell them I’m an Indian Chief but they always tell me I need a reservation.
Jumping Jaguar:  Can we scalp him now, Chief?
Indians:  Scalpum!  Scalpum!  Scalpum!  Scalpum!

The Saloon Girls

During the dress rehearsal, we had all the lights down in the hall as we were using only the lighting panel.  At the end of the final dress rehearsal, I asked all the kids to take their costumes off and head off to have their lunch.  One asian young lady came to ask me some question about her costume to which I replied that she should change out of her costume and remove her fake moustache and return to class with the others, only to discover that she was not actually wearing a fake moustache and just had a particularly hairy upper lip.  Very uncomfortable!!

The first evening performance was last Tuesday. We got about 10 minutes into the show when the main character fainted, fell off the start, hit a bench and then didn't get up off the floor. We had to call an ambulance and end the show. All of the children were quickly rushed away while their parents continued to video the whole sorry event. It was like being at a funeral. The child was totally fine in the end as well. No one wanted to be the person to ask the child to sit up though in case he had a spinal injury. We would all rather someone else made that kind of career ruining decision so we left it to the paramedics.

The Undertakers: Snuffit and Rott

   We waited two days and tried to relaunch it but another main character broke his arm an hour before the show playing football.  We reshuffled a few characters, painted on some extra beards and moustaches and got on with it.  To his credit however, he did show up at the intermission and just started doing the play in his school uniform.  Absolutely nuts.  If one more person tells me bad things happen in threes, I'll probably hit them. 

Billie Jo Brisket and Lighting

So now it is pouring rain and we are once again packing to go off to Wales.  English people are quite defensive about their horrible weather.  They have a s certain bloody minded affection for cloudy skies and dampness.  It's all part of the adventure.  I would imagine it has an effect on the national psyche.  That's a paper just waiting to be written, probably already has been!  I do really like these kids who are now leaving though so I wanted to share in their last hurrah at our school so I have agreed to go again.  I have been given a group that we have affectionately been calling "Fat Camp".  As you can imagine, I think they may tucker out on some of the activities before due time but I will do my best to motivate them.  I am going to have a serious afternoon nap with the cats and then get on with the work of packing 35 pairs of socks.  I know it will be fun when I get there...